Smart, But Dead (An Aggie Mundeen Mystery Book 3) Read online

  Praise for the Aggie Mundeen Mystery Series

  Books in the Aggie Mundeen Mystery Series

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  Copyright

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty-One

  Twenty-Two

  Twenty-Three

  Twenty-Four

  Twenty-Five

  Twenty-Six

  Twenty-Seven

  Twenty-Eight

  Twenty-Nine

  Thirty

  Thirty-One

  Thirty-Two

  Thirty-Three

  Thirty-Four

  Thirty-Five

  Thirty-Six

  Thirty-Seven

  Thirty-Eight

  Thirty-Nine

  Forty

  Forty-One

  Forty-Two

  Forty-Three

  Forty-Four

  Forty-Five

  Forty-Six

  Forty-Seven

  Forty-Eight

  Forty-Nine

  Fifty

  Fifty-One

  Fifty-Two

  Fifty-Three

  Fifty-Four

  Fifty-Five

  Fifty-Six

  Fifty-Seven

  Fifty-Eight

  Fifty-Nine

  Sixty

  Afterword

  2015 Update from Dr. Cynthia Kenyon

  About the Author

  In Case You Missed the 1st Book in the Series

  In Case You Missed the 2nd Book in the Series

  Sign up for Club Hen House | Henery Press updates

  PORTRAIT OF A DEAD GUY

  FRONT PAGE FATALITY

  CROPPED TO DEATH

  MURDER ON A SILVER PLATTER

  Praise for the Aggie Mundeen Mystery Series

  SMART, BUT DEAD (#3)

  “Hurrah for Aggie Mundeen, an effervescent heroine who finds trouble wherever she goes even when the initial pursuit is purely intellectual. Aggie’s pluck, humor, intelligence and loving heart will always keep her young and always make readers smile.”

  – Carolyn Hart,

  Agatha Award-Winning Author of Ghost to the Rescue

  “Smart. Aggie Mundeen is smart. But. But she’s also a little clumsy, irrepressible, and irresistible. Dead. She might well end up dead if she continues nosing around the university where her questions are not wanted. Smart, But Dead is the perfect combination of brains and heart. A tight mystery, an irrepressible heroine, and superb writing.”

  – James W. Ziskin,

  Anthony Award-Finalist of No Stone Unturned

  “Smart, But Dead features an impetuous, warm-hearted heroine, blessed with an insatiable curiosity, passion for learning and an unquenchable zest for life.”

  – Mystery People

  “Will keep you guessing until the last page. Very well-written and excellent storyline. Highly recommended!”

  – Obsessed Book Reviews

  DANG NEAR DEAD (#2)

  “Well-paced and written, there are bursts of humour in this novel which had me roaring with laughter. The plot is intricate, with a satisfying ending…A great read and highly recommended.”

  – Diana Hockley,

  Australian Mystery Novelist

  “A satisfying mystery with complex characters and a plot that builds to a satisfying crescendo.”

  – Midwest Book Review

  “Suspenseful, engaging, funny, and unique. I loved following Aggie as she asked questions and followed clues. You will fall in love with Nancy G. West’s writing just as I have!”

  – Universal Creativity Reviews

  FIT TO BE DEAD (#1)

  “Fit to Be Dead has it all: intriguing characters that point to romance, an engrossing plot, a compelling puzzle and well-disguised clues—a fun read.”

  – L. C. Hayden,

  Award-Winning Author of the Harry Bronson Mystery Series

  “West’s main characters’ histories suggest they could fill a series. I hope so. I love this book!”

  – Rollo K. Newsom PhD,

  Professor Emeritus, Texas State University,

  and an editor of Lone Star Sleuths

  “From the first sentence, readers receive a satisfying sense of West’s fun plays on words: ‘Shaping up at my age can be murder….I’m mechanically inept. My condition may be genetic.’”

  — Midwest Book Review

  “Aggie Mundeen’s wry observations on life, death, and the struggle to whip mind and body into shape make Fit to Be Dead delightful. Joining a health club has never been so dangerous...or so amusing.”

  – Karen McCullough,

  Author of Shadow of a Doubt and A Question of Fire

  Books in the Aggie Mundeen Mystery Series

  by Nancy G. West

  FIT TO BE DEAD (#1)

  DANG NEAR DEAD (#2)

  SMART BUT DEAD (#3)

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  Copyright

  SMART BUT DEAD

  An Aggie Mundeen Mystery

  Part of the Henery Press Mystery Collection

  First Edition

  Kindle edition | November 2015

  Henery Press

  www.henerypress.com

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever, including Internet usage, without written permission from Henery Press, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  Copyright © 2015 by Nancy G. West

  Cover art by Stephanie Chontos

  This is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Related subjects include: cozy mysteries, women sleuths, murder mystery series, whodunit mysteries (whodunnit), humorous murder mysteries, amateur sleuth books.

  ISBN-13: 978-1-943390-27-4

  Printed in the United States of America

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Without input from every person below, this book simply wouldn’t exist. I am incredibly grateful for your knowledge, help and support.

  Sergeant Eva Adams

  Dr. Laura Cox

  Dr. Cynthia Kenyon

  Dr. Joseph Lambert

  Dr. Mary Lambert

  Dr. Doug P. Lyle

  Detective Raymond Roberts

  Attorney J
ohn Robertson

  Anthony V. Rodriguez

  Attorney Bucky Tennison

  Presiding County Magistrate Michael Ugarte

  Corporal Stephanie Vega

  Lieutenant Jesse Vera

  Dr. Donald West

  Dr. Luci Zahray

  The excellent editors at Henery Press

  Any errors that exist in the novel are mine.

  I do not, however, accept responsibility for whatever Aggie Mundeen might do.

  One

  At some point, the same thought hits everybody over thirty: I might actually get old. Since I was pushing forty, single, and attracted to a reluctant San Antonio detective, that nasty thought frequently wormed its way to the front of my brain.

  I wrote the column “Stay Young with Aggie,” answering readers’ questions about how to stay youthful. For me, it was the ideal job, since my greatest fear was catapulting headlong into middle-age decrepitude.

  So I made a decision: 1997 was the year I’d learn to avoid aging.

  This was the perfect time to act. Scientists were in the middle of the Human Genome Project, a fifteen-year study to determine the location and function of every human gene. They’d already discovered genetic anomalies that caused disease, which was their main focus, but they’d also found genetic links to aging. Those tidbits propelled me back to college. Could scientists alter people’s genes to keep them young?

  Meredith Laughlin and I were driving to University of the Holy Trinity for fall semester to take the class Science of Aging. In Texas, in the third week of August, temperatures still hovered in the high nineties. The breath of fall wouldn’t tickle San Antonio until mid-October. College kids didn’t seem to notice, but my arms would be sticky five minutes after I left the air-conditioned car. Despite the heat, expectations about discovering genetic links to aging heightened my senses like cold gusts from a norther.

  Scientists were making astounding genetic advancements. University of Edinburgh scientists had cloned a domestic female sheep from an adult mammary gland cell. Unable to think of a “more impressive pair of glands than Dolly Parton’s,” scientists named the sheep Dolly, and she had been alive and healthy for a year. With genetics unleashed—and scientists’ humor alive and well—I had every reason to hope they’d soon be able to replace aging cells with young ones.

  “Aren’t you excited by the prospect of staying young?” I asked Meredith, my heart thumping like a metronome. I was further out of college than she was, about fifteen years further. Fear of aging oppressed me like humidity.

  “I’m always eager when a new class starts,” she said. When she hit a speed bump on the entry road to UHT, my stomach leaped into my throat. Studying had lifted me from tight spots in my life. Meredith was curious about the subject, but at age twenty-four, her need was less. For me, the course was mandatory.

  We wheeled deeper into campus. Students emerged from parked cars, chatting excitedly as they walked toward the main building to check in.

  I squinted up through the tree canopy that skirted brick buildings and inhaled fresh air from the cloudless Texas sky. The university clock tower rose skyward, a symbol of the timeless value of learning. A pinnacle of hope. A pointed reminder that a person couldn’t wait forever.

  Having concluded a silent prayer that my hopes would materialize, I blinked away sunspots and squinted down through branches at the administration building. I vowed to behave appropriately in class and not shoot off a barrage of challenging questions. Dr. Carmody might toss me from class or expel me from the university. He had nearly done it before. I had to contain myself.

  My plan was to absorb the secrets of staying young from Dr. Carmody while I increased Detective Sam Vanderhoven’s interest in me. My body was ticking like that clock.

  As Meredith swung into a row of parked cars searching for a space, I craned behind her to get a better look at the man standing in front of the building fumbling with his briefcase. His bald eagle head had a fringe of light hair around the base. His shoulders weren’t noticeably wide, but his body fanned out from there, ending in a triangle at his hips. A bald eagle head on a bear body? The man had to be Dr. Carmody. Maybe I could catch him before class and make peace.

  “Meredith, stop,” I said.

  She hit the brake.

  “Let me out. That’s Carmody.”

  I sprinted toward him, motoring at full speed. He turned to ascend the steps to the building. With the sun blinding me, I plowed into his backside. I didn’t particularly like him since he nearly booted me from his Aspects of Aging class, but I admired him, and I definitely didn’t want to knock him down.

  He spun back around, dropping his case. I bent to pick it up. When I rose and looked up, we were stomach to stomach. He grabbed my arm to steady himself. Once he stabilized, I stepped back and apologized.

  “Dr. Carmody. I’m so sorry I crashed into you.”

  He jerked his head back to view me through his bifocals. “Oh. It’s you.”

  Hairs protruding from his beak were grayer. Stiffer. His nose was the same size. Huge. He peered at me through frames heavy with Coke-bottle lenses heavily resting on his proboscis. I was surprised his glasses hadn’t been recalled.

  “You’re that…that…”

  “I’m Agatha Mundeen. Aggie, actually.”

  “I thought you’d left the university. You seemed reluctant to be in class. Somewhat hostile.” He sniffed, peered over his lenses and tucked his chin into his neck. “Perhaps because of being outnumbered by, ahem, younger students?”

  His remark irritated me, but I dared not let on. “No, not at all. I loved your class. I learned a lot.”

  He frowned as if trying to recall something unpleasant he’d just thought of, but he gave up.

  I tried to bring him back to the moment. “I’ve been looking forward to your next class.”

  His gray unibrow shot up. “You’re not…”

  “I’m taking Science of Aging.” I smiled. “I can hardly wait.”

  Color oozed up into his face. Blinking repeatedly, he planted his feet wider, securing balance, and gazed to far horizons. He finally squinted back at me.

  I was face to face with the ultimate expert, but he appeared confused.

  “You could stem the ravages of age,” I said. “Not just for you and me but for everybody. I want to learn enough to write about some of your discoveries in my column. You could change the future for everyone on the planet. I want to be part of that.”

  The lines in his face softened. “I see. That’s a lot to ask. I’ll try to live up to your perception of what I can do.”

  “I know you will,” I said. Taking a deep breath, I continued. “Dr. Carmody?”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m sorry I challenged you in your Aspects of Aging class. I get curious and feel so driven to learn quickly that sometimes I get overzealous.”

  “I understand.” He smiled. “One has to be zealous to make discoveries. Actually, we’ve engaged in some new research. The results might be perfect for your column.”

  “That would be fantastic,” I said with growing excitement. Had we come to some sort of understanding—even mutual respect?

  He gazed up. His eyes took on a faraway look, as if he’d been transported to another realm.

  I sighed. Our moment of camaraderie had taken flight.

  He looked heavenward again and squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to force something out from behind them. He finally opened his eyes and looked at me with a different expression.

  “Well then, Anna…Amanda…Augusta…”

  I knitted my brows together. Had he forgotten me already? He knew me well enough a second before. I stretched closer to his lenses. They were so smudged, maybe he couldn’t see.

  “It’s Aggie. Aggie Mundeen.”r />
  He stared back. I waited. He blinked repeatedly and shook his head from side to side, as if fighting off a force I couldn’t see.

  “Well then,” he said, “I’ll see you in class.” We smiled a truce.

  He turned to gaze up at the edifice, put his briefcase in his left hand, grabbed the iron rail with his right and studied the building a long time before starting his ascent. Like a walrus lumbering from a pool.

  Meredith walked up with our book bags. “What’s the matter? You look ill.”

  I crumpled onto the step. “It’s Dr. Carmody. Something’s wrong with him. He recognized me, we discussed his research to delay aging, and he said something they’re working on might be perfect for my column.”

  “That sounds wonderful.”

  “Yes. He knows more about how genes affect aging than anyone in the area. He directs the university research lab. Scientists come to consult him on the latest genetic discoveries. I have to learn about anti-aging from Dr. Carmody. I’ve waited months to take his class.”

  “Well, we’re here.”

  “A few seconds after he said he might have something for my column, he forgot who I was. I wonder if he can even teach the class.”

  She checked her watch. “Let’s go inside and find out.”

  Two

  We entered the administration building. It was one of the oldest buildings at UHT, but it was cool inside—a gathering place for boisterous students.

  Revived by air conditioning and slurping water from the fountain, I felt better. Maybe the heat had sapped poor Dr. Carmody. It happened to everybody in Texas sooner or later. I inhaled familiar odors of musty classrooms, new textbooks and perspiring students. University odors smelled better when you were eager to learn.